It was raining and driving around the metro I saw people in bikes and motorcycles drenched in water, fighting through the rain. And then at an intersection, a man with one leg approached to ask for money, I didn’t give any. I was thinking, about how fortunate I am. How futile my struggles seem to be compared to others but I know my struggle is only valid. My feelings are valid.

I’m finding it harder and harder to socialize. It’s nothing new, but it feels like it’s getting worst. Now that things are kinda getting back to normal here im starting to feel out of place again and I’m losing interest in conversations because I feel like they don’t do anything for me (I don’t learn, it’s the same thing over and over).

I’ve always hated competitive people. It’s weird cos I’d say 99% of people I know probably find me competitive and argumentative because I like to say what’s in my head and the way I talk. Lately, socializing to me feels like it’s draining my energy, a waste of time.

I think im pretty self-sufficient, but I’ve also accepted that I do need/have to interact with people and sometimes need people to do certain things (even if I’d rather do things on my own) and I am sad that there’s no one to do things with that you know help me grow, be better, learn more… I feel like, I’m on this journey of getting better as a person, healing my wounds, understanding my childhood and self and just like with my habit of getting rid of stuff, physically, there’s so much I want to get rid of for a more minimal and intentional life.

We are all better off meaning what we say and just doing. Like having an opinion on everything is not necessary but when you voice it out make it makes sense. I realized I have less tolerance now for chatter. I’ve always preferred being straightforward.